October 25, 2005 Called Through the Eucharist

by Fr. Bill Hahn
This talk is available for download in MP3 format. When retrieving this, we request that you download the file rather than 'streaming' the sound file. That means right-click on the link below and choose "Save Target As..." or whatever similar option you have with your browser. Download Audio File.

• Grew up in Logan which is in the Hocking Hills area of Ohio.
• Went to Catholic Grade school.
• Thought about the priesthood in gradeschool while playing mass at home. It was out of the question.
• In 7th grade, got to see what a priest does during the week. Still had no intention of becoming a priest.
• Was a good Catholic in High School.
• Entered Hocking College, south of Logan in Nelsonville.
  • This is where I first had to defend my Faith.
  • Had a Philosophy professor who was an ex-catholic. He would direct questions to me.
  • Fr. Pendolphy helped me a lot at that time.
  • I knew the Faith like I knew Mathematics; it was like any other class.
• Moved into a cabin in hocking hills with my brother.
  • It was the first time I had been on my own.
  • took full advantage of it. It was the "Party cabin" that attained legendary status.
  • I focused on partying instead of Church.
• This lead to my 2nd year of College; the party scene.
  • Still knew Catholicism but didn't focus on it.
• Transferred to Ohio University.
  • This was the wrong place to go to get away from the party scene.
  • While there I reversed my weeks. 5 days to party, 2 days for work/school.
  • I was able to keep my grades up however.
  • Feel deeper into the culture of pleasure and self-worship.

• A friend of mine invited to the washing march for life for roe v. Wade.
  • I really just wanted to see Washington, DC.
  • Was surprised to see most were my age.
  • I began to see the Church as I hadn't seen before; not lifeless like at 8:00am Mass.
  • This was the Church Militant.
  • I fell more in love with the Church experiencing this joy I hadn't experienced before.
  • I was no longer thinking all about me.
• I was focused on something outside of myself.
  • To be part of the prolife movement, I would never meet the people I would be helping.
    • The woman who didn't have an abortion.
    • The senator who changed his perspective on human life.
  • In the civil rights movement, you know the people personally and talked with them, it's not the same in the prolife movement.
  • These people were doing something important and doing it all the time.
  • I wanted to be a part of that.
• I went to confession.
  • It cleared me out.
  • It had been 7 - 8 years since I went to confession.
  • He pointed out, where are my friends at?
  • They are the party crowd, I needed to get away from that.
  • I got involved with the Knights of Columbus.
• The March for Life was when the 'veil was dropped' for me.
• I was struck by the homeless people in Washington, DC.
  • I had a desire to go back and serve the poor.
  • That summer I worked in a soup kitchen in DC
• I met a young woman from Malaisia. She had been in the states for 5 weeks.
  • In the evenings I would go out and see the sights.
  • Each night I saw something different.
  • I would invite her but she would never go.
  • She told me she would go to the Bascilica of the Immaculate Conception and pray before the blessed sacrament.
  • I thought that was weird.
  • One night it was raining so I went to the Bascilica.
  • I spent 15 minutes in the chapel and went walking around.
  • I was there over two hours and when I came back to the chapel, she was still there.
  • That's when I started wondering what the Eucharist was.
  • I knew what it was intellectually but not much more than that.
  • What is drawing this woman here like that? That was another veil that was dropped for me.
• I didn't go with her everyday, I still went out and saw the sights, but I would occasionally go in.
  • She asked me if I had ever thought of the priesthood. I said no.
  • She asked, is that what God is calling you or what society expects of you. I hadn't really thought about it.
• So the priesthood kinda became an option for me.
  • She joined NET (National Evangelization Team) and I came back to Ohio University.
  • I knew that to make my last year different I had to find new friends.
  • The Knights of Columbus were great but not my age.
  • I went to the campus church and there was a meeting of the Newmann group.
    • I met a great group of people who were in love with Christ and the Church.
  • My faith started to really grow then.
    • They were supporting me; I had a different option when my friends tried to pull me into the old ways.
    • I made a lot of good friendships there.
• We had a fall retreat and a priest came out, we had all night adoration.
  • My hour was like 3-4am.
  • The person who was supposed to be there with me wasn't there. So I was there alone.
    • I was kneeling there and I hadn't been in prayer like that before.
    • It hit me, this is God, I am right before the living God, this is the one who created me and has died for me.
    • It was a sense of inner knowledge; an awakening.
    • The lord said to me, "I want you in a special way." and I said, "Oh my gosh, I'm going to be a priest".
    • I kept it to myself.
  • I was exploding with joy inside though.
  • As I pulled into my hometown of Logan, I was thinking I am going to be priest and I then I "came to my senses" and said I'm not going to be a priest, I was hallucinating, it was 3am!
  • The town kinda reminded me of who I always had been and pull it out of me.
• I went on a winter work week with the Newmann center and I came to know a lot of different young women I felt I could marry.
  • But at the same time I was struggling with that, the Lord was saying, "No, listen to your heart".
• Then I went to youth 2000 retreat.
  • During the Eucharistic procession, when the Eucharist came to me I asked for two things
    1. To have the courage to tell people I was thinking about the priesthood
    2. That my brother Jim would be converted back to the Faith. He was basically an atheist.
  • The next day the retreat ended with people closing their eyes and being asked if you ever thought about priesthood raise your hand.
    • I thought it was safe, everyone had their eyes closed.
    • "Now stand up" I thought "oh no".
    • But I stood up, and opened my eyes and saw about 60 others who were thinking about priesthood or religious life.
    • I prayed for the courage and God gave me a tricking way to tell others, He answered the prayer.
• I went to amonastery in South Dakota to pray about it.
  • There would be no pressure there.
  • One of the things about this monastery, I don't how I got the name, it seemed far enough away, as I was there, I begane to realize there was someone else my age and he and I were the ony ones who really believed in the Catholic Faith. The monks had lost their way. I had to defend the faith to these monks a lot. It pushed me away from them to the blessed sacrament.
  • I found myself in front of the Blessed Sacrament a lot.
  • I was realizing all the things I was saying to God as to why I shouldn't be a priest were all naught.
    • Mother Teresa said, "you're called to be faithful, not successful."
• There just seemed to be a huge wall that was erected to prevent me from going into the seminary.
  • It was in June and the readings for the mass that day was when Elijah went to Elisha and Elijah wanted to tell his parents first but Elisiah said you should come now. (1 Kings 19:20-21).
  • I called the vocations director of Columbus, and he said come back from South Dakota now if you want to get in.
  • I came back right away and started the interview process which is about 5 hours.
    • The phycological exam, I just skimmed by.
• I entered the seminary
  • I realized that everyone in there were still discerning.
  • That is what seminary was about; to discern with others who are doing the same thing.
  • One year I thought I was positive, but other years I was thinking perhaps I shouldn't.
  • Being a part of a community is a great thing
• Then June 26, 2004, I was ordained. On the 27th, I had my first mass.
  • The first mass is like a woman on her wedding day. It was so awesome.
  • The Church always provides the readings, but what do you think the first reading was? Elijah calling Elisha. It was great gift from our Lord.

My call through the Eucharist was always like St. Agustine and his confessions, I look back on what the Lord has done it was great what He can do.

I almost forgot, I had two prayers at youth 2000, the second as the conversion of my brother. After youth 2000, he picked up a book called Pierced by a sword. It is a novel that is apocalyptic. Guys really get into it. So he picked it up and started reading it. It kinda has a sneaky way that brings in the faith and why we do the things we do; showing it in everyday life. About halfway through the book the main character has "the warning" where he sees all his sins and how it hurts Christ crucified. So my brother read that and he stopped what he was doing, called Fr. Pendalphy and had a 3-hour confession. It opened him up. And now he is the director of religious education at St. Michael. He gave a talk here last year. He wrote a book on the rosary. "Real life rosary"



Question: What was has been the biggest surprise for you as a priest?

The hardest thing for me was in the beginning. The priests in the seminary would ask how well did they prepare us, and I think they did everything they could do, doctrinally, etc. But something on a personal level, you're in the confessional and you hear you hear the greatest struggles of people, sufferings, physical, mental, moral, and in the beginning I didn't know how to deal with that. It was like being piled upon my shoulders. Your heart is with every person. I would bring it before the Lord while praying in front of the Eucharist. I told my parents I felt like aged 15 years in my first year of priesthood. I was not all worn out but seeing the intensity of the cross in so many lives is tough but you see the power of God in their lives too.

Question: How do young priests, deal with some of the baggage they are going through? How does that affect you and how do you portrait your priesthood inspite of that. Do young people use that as an excuse to turn away from the Church?

It is difficult handling. Just today at the barber shop made a comment that he would not allow his child to be in a the Catholic church in LA after hearding about the scandals. A lot of us in the seminarian we went into a school and people asked if we were going in there to seduce them. We get that, but as young priest we do the same thing, we keep our eyes on Christ and we know that us being faithful will be beneficial to the Church.

I think of that reading of David. David and his soldiers were walking through a valley and a crazy guy was throwing stuff on him. Telling him his sins were upon him. A man suggested to kill him and David said no, the Lord has sent this and it will be good for me, the Lord will see my suffering and will bless me later. The lord is seeing our suffering and He will bless us later. Enduring it with Christian charity as Christ did with His cross is the key.

Question: How can we help with the Church struggling with vocations, what can the Church do differently?

Part of the problem is culture. People are focused on themselves. Nowadays people can go without seeing humans for months, and we think life is focused on ourselves. That makes it hard for a guy to say I'm going to give my life up to be a priest. It has the same affect in marriages that struggle in that way.

Overall, the more we can witness to personal holiness the more God can bring vocations. We need to find people to interact with.

In my own parish, I was talking to a woman and she said if there were still sisters my daughter may have been one. I said, "What do you mean? There are still sisters." She didn't know. So I thought about bringing in a different religious community to our parish. People can see the face of religious in front of them.

Obviously, in religious life, it hurts not having a habit anymore for many of them. The woman hadn't seen sisters in so long.

Question: Is the number seminarians up in recent years?

It depends on the diocese, I believe ours it is. They had that senate in Rome and vocations was one of the topics. Some have great many seminarians. Some don't.

A part of it is fidelity. Sister Elizabeth, we were talking about her place the Franciscan friars of the renewal; Sisters of the renewal. They have 12 sisters and this year they have 12 new ones coming in. I asked what the common factor in this she said Eucharistic adoration. All of them came from parishes that had it and they took an hour each week.

Question: While you were in the seminary, was there a point when you didn't have any more doubts?

I think when the bishop laid his hands on me. That was when my doubt went away. There is always doubt. We used to joke, I don't have a vocation until the laying on of hands.

There was a struggle but there were no heavy doubts the first year and half. In the deaconate is when you commit to celebacy. That is when the torment comes. Every night is a struggle then. My spiritual director said unless he gives you a clear indication you've got a vocation, there is a pattern in your life.

That is the other thing in our culture, it works agianst voacations, the idea of commitment. We're loaded with choices, we don'' want to give up one choice and commit to another. Same thing with careers. So many students, each year they have a new major because there are so many things they can do. It's hard for people to make a commitment that I'm going to do one thing the rest of my life.

In the Catholic faith, it's permanent. Once you commit, you push away those doubts and live it to the fullest. If you always have an open end, you will always have doubts and be tormented.

Question: You talked about being in a community at the josephinum, do you feel like now as a priest, do you feel connected to the other priests in the diocese? Is there a sense of community now with other priests in diocese?

I do feel connected to the other priests. I don't think it is near the level of what the seminary was like. In the seminary you feel like you're fellow soldiers getting reading for battle, you support each other, you talk over everything, events, etc. When you get into a parish, you lose that support, in a sense. And when things come up in the parish, you have one priest who you can call, perhaps. There are things they're trying to do to address that. My classmates who were ordained together we get together once a month and talk.

We make it a priority to get together other diocese' have tried groups called "Companion of Christ" diocecesan priests who live together in a rectory. I don't know if there will be something like that down the line.