by Sister Margaret Mary
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I told Jen that I first lived as a hermit for over 10 years and she thought you would like to hear that. I was a teacher first in the city of Columbus for 18 years but the Lord called me to a simple life of prayer and eventually my spiritual director guided me to the hermit life. I asked the bishop for me to be consecrated as a hermit. At first he said yes. He came to my hermitage and looked at me, asked me questions and thought perhaps I should be a hermit. I loved the silence and solitude not because I was shy but because I loved being alone with God.
It was wonderful, I had no electricity. There wasn't even the hum of a refrigerator. It was out in the woods, we would sit by a kerosine lamp and pray and just feel the embrace of God.
After a few years the bishop said "I don't think God wants you to continue to live as a hermit. I think He wants you to be open to other people coming to join you." So I went to visitation monastery for a year for novitiate and discernment and while I was there the Lord showed me in prayer that He did want something different for me.
I want to share with you that prayer experience.
I got there in October first and on the 16th it was the feast of St. Margaret Mary. And this monastery didn't usually have Exposition and Adoration except on special feast days so they did on this feast. They had a Triduum--three days of prayer--before the feast. They had the statue of St. Margaret Mary in the hall in the cloister and we said a prayer to her everyday.
I asked her to show me what it really meant to be devoted to the Sacred Heart of Jesus. I had a devotion to the Sacred Heart of Jesus but I wanted to know a more profound way to be devoted to the Sacred Heart of Jesus. So I prayed that during the Triduum.
During those few days I picked up the newspaper and read articles that disturbed me deeply. One of them was a 6-year-old girl smothered her 3-year-old brother to death. When you're in a cloistered monastery and your life is just prayer , that just weighed heavily on my heart. I also read that the United Way was threatening to keep help from the Boy Scouts because they didn't approve of homosexual leaders. So, I was disturbed by these two articles especially during those three days.
Then the day came for the feast. So we had exposition and we put a kneeler up for each person to pray during exposition. Right before it was my time to go up to the kneeler I prayed, "I know, Lord, that you overcame sin and death and I believe it because you are Truth itself and it said in Sacred Scripture that you overcame sin and death. But, Lord, why is there so much evil in the world?" When I was going up I was repeating "I know you overcame sin and death." When I knelt down I heard very clearly, "By the blood of the Cross." After that I heard no words or pictures. But I felt like a huge computer was downloading into my little brain. I could hardly contain what I was coming to understand.
I was there for a half hour and when I went back to my seat, and my response to my prayer experience was, "Lord if you send women who love you passionately, we'll form a community and adore you day and night." Because what I understood was that God did overcome sin and death... Well let me back up a little bit. From all time we have the Trinity, Father Son and Holy Spirit. Then He created the Angels and some of the angels rebelled, they didn't want to serve God incarnate someone who looked like a mere man. They were fallen because of their pride.
Then God created the human beings, Adam and Eve, and they too fell because of pride; they wanted to be like God. And so God became incarnate, so he could save us so we could go to heaven and be with Him and be happy forever.
Now a couple of weeks ago, I was told three women were coming to stay with us for the afternoon and I thought it was three Catholic women, but instead eight people showed up and they were Presbyterians, Hindus, and Buddhist. And I said Oh now lord you sent these people here what do you want me to do with them? So, the first thing we did, we sat down and I said one thing we have in common, we all believe in God, right? And then God became incarnate, and most agreed. Then I talked about how He redeemed us and that same God that became incarnate was in the next room right inside the tabernacle. So I explained to them about Jesus in the blessed sacrament that it is the same Jesus that walked the earth 2,000 years ago.
God became incarnate and He established a Church. How many did he establish? (I love talking to an audience that knows the answer to that question). He established One, Holy, Catholic Church. Division came, soon, tremendously 1500 years later. But he established one church and He gave us tremendous gifts and one is Baptism. And when we are Baptized we share in His divine life. Now imagine if you adopt a dog and you could sit at a table and have them sit next to you and have a conversation. You'd be sharing your human life with that Dog. Wouldn't that be exciting? That's what Baptism is. We take it for granted, we don't even know what we're doing we think Baptism is like a social event we have a party and pour some water over someone's head. But if we could see the reality of what happens in the soul. St. Catherine was shown a soul in the state of Grace and she started worshiping. And was told not to do that; she thought it was God. Being shown a soul not in the state of grace, she could see it was hideous. So the gift of Baptism is something we pray for the grace to appreciate more because it's an astounding thing that God shares His divine life with us!
I think that I don't act that differently but in small ways you do and the potential is there. Many saints had great abilities. The closer we get in union with God the more of that divine life we have in us and it starts, sometimes, to manifest itself in those abilities. Baptism is a tremendous grace where we become children of God, it's a wonderful thing.
Then, Imagine if we didn't have confession, if we sinned, we would be ugly and couldn't fix that. Do you know if you are dead in sin nothing you do is meritorious? You could save 100 people and it's not meritorious because you're cut off from God; spiritually dead. So the Gift of reconciliation is a tremendous gift.
The greatest gift is God in the Eucharist, of course. We want the whole world to know about these gifts not because Catholics are better than others because many times we are not, but we are like beggars that find a treasure and we want to share that treasure with everyone. If you find a banquet and the world was starving, you'd tell everyone where to get food. That's what is going on; the world is starving. The moral and spiritual starvation is tremendous here. I used to teach in the inner city. They had a five dollar bill in their pocket to play video games after school. What they went home to was sad. That's not just in the inner city, that's in the suburbs too; where ever we go. Our youth are going home to empty homes.
We live in a time of tremendous challenge. God called each of you here tonight, to be alive on the planet at this time in history because the world desperately needs young people to help bring light to the darkness. You can't imagine the affect young people have on even old people. We live in a culture now that idolizes youth right? When young people stands up to witness people really listen.
Back to what the Lord was showing me at that monastery that day. He established the Church, He became a human, He shed every drop of his blood for us. What more could have done to overcome sin and death? He did it all. Then why is there is still so much sin? Because we now have to do our part, it's part of God's Divine plan. 2,000 years ago He would become incarnate and die on the cross. Now, in this century, that mankind would come to love and adore God incarnate. God who looks like a piece of bread.
It's part of the plan, not just for Catholics, but for every person on earth. Because Jesus created every person on Earth. It is only social justice that everyone on earth love and adore the one who created them and who shed His blood for love of them.
So that is what children of Mary is all about. People think we work with children no, we are the children. We do anything we can to help the world understand that God is incarnate in the Holy Eucharist. That's the best kept secret in the world, don't you think? Even a lot of Catholics don't know, especially the young ones, you're blessed, I don't know you but I imagine you're a good bunch. People need to know that Jesus is with us in the holy Eucharist. Especially the young ones who have not been taught the faith.
One time I asked the lord, "Why aren't people believing? You tell them over and over 'This is Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament.' You come back a year later and it's like they never were told." Because our actions speak louder than words. How many churches do you go to where people act like God is incarnate in the Eucharist? First, we could never be appropriate enough, we'd all be on our faces. But even reverence. We are living in a time where there is so much unbelief in this Truth.
I prayed before I came here what God wanted me to say to you. God wants me to say to you, be a fire. These are the most critical times that perhaps the Church has ever experienced. The darkest and most difficult times. The whole Church in the world desperately needs people on fire for love of God and His Holy Church and know the Faith who love it and live it. Live it where you work, how you dress, how you talk, how you spend your time. How you treat other people, how you pray.
Without prayer none of will survive in this culture, it takes Divine Grace to survive when we're inundated with sin. The opportunities for sin on the computer alone it's tremendous. Evil is presented as good and good is presented as passé.
So, I encourage you to pray, I don't know how much you do but do it more. Always more, the more you pray, the more you experience the peace and joy that comes from praying.
I don't know if you go to adoration, but if you don't I encourage you to go. If you already go, go more. If you realize, this is God incarnate. Of course, God is everywhere, but He is not substantially everywhere. He is only substantially present in two places, in the Eucharist and in heaven. And in the Eucharist you can be there with Him. There is a special grace. Jesus told St. Faustina, every time you come into His presence every man woman and child on the face of the earth receives grace.
So prayer is so much more powerful than works. When I first lived in my hermitage. I had a journal because my spiritual director told me to. Every night I would say to the lord, "Lord, am I accomplishing anything by talking to you all day? Don't you want me to go do something?" I would meet a missionary that was working in China and he wanted us to teach English and religion in China. Then I met someone from brazil and he invited me there too. And I would pray "Lord, don't you want me to go help these people?", and every time the lord would say "stay here and pray." It was very hard; I kept thinking I should be doing something.
Thanks be to God He gave me a solution. Finally, I thought of Contraception, I wanted to work and do something about the problem and He said, "Pray, that I raise up other people all over the world to talk about it and to present it in a way that is understandable and acceptable and even pleasing to people." If I would talk about it I'd convert a few people but if I pray for others to do it, it would be much more fruitful. It finally sank in after a few years, Prayer is the most powerful thing we can do.
Of course, in prayer, God says do something, then you do it. Because the Will of God is the most important thing. The things you do for others, those are good for you if they are the will of God, but the will of God for everyone is always to pray.
Want to hear my conversion? I was away from the Church for a while.
I was a feminist. I was a real feminist. I made up a name for myself because I didn't want my father's name because they said "slaves used to take their master's name" so I said well I didn't want to be like that and have my Father's name. And when the man said why do you want to change I said, that's my business! I was so rebellious.
I hated the Catholic Church because I wanted women to be priests. I didn't really care but I hated them anyway. Then I started praying. And when I did, it satisfied something deep within me and I wanted to pray more.
I went to all these protestant churches because I didn't want to have anything to do with the Catholic Church and didn't feel comfortable. At the episcopal church they had a woman priest so I was happy. I started learning and asked what they believed in regarding their communion and they said I could pretty much believe what I wanted; that it was a symbol or really Jesus. In the episcopal Church there are only three things you have to believe, the Trinity, the divinity of Jesus, I forget the third. And so I thought in my mind that the Catholic Church is worthless but at least they tell you what they believe! So I quit going to instructions there.
Then someone invited me to a Catholic Charismatic retreat. On Saturday night the priest was praying over people and my friend asked me if I wanted to go up for prayer. I said "yes, come with me." As a feminist I never cried because I was as tough as any man. But when the priest started praying over me I started to cry and cry, later they told me it was the gift of tears. And it was like a cloud lifted off of my head and at that moment I knew the Catholic Church was true! I don't want to fight for equality, I want to be servant like Jesus. I thought everything was grey, but I realized it was very black and white. I could see clearly for the first time in 18 years.
So, I dried my tears and didn't feel any different but I had an intellectual understanding that I had to go back to the Church. I went to confession and when that priest absolved me, I walked out of there three feet off the ground. I went back into the room and I wanted to do cart wheels. I could hardly stand it.
I was so happy! I knew what they meant at Pentecost when the apostles were 'drunk' with joy and that is how I left and I haven't felt any different to this day.
I walked around before that like I was really cool, I had a corvette and everything was good and life was nice and I had a job and friends. I was so empty inside, so miserable. I would have never let anyone know that, it would have blown the façade. Then when the Holy Spirit came in absolution, I was so happy and peaceful. I didn't think it was possible to feel that way on Earth.
I went back, got involved in a parish. I was frustrated because the people wouldn't even sing with the songs. I was upset that people seemed half asleep. They could care less. It was difficult because I wanted people to know how good God was.
After a few years after that I went out to the country to live the hermit life.
What God wants to say to you is be a fire. At the end of the 1890's where Pope St. Leo had a vision. After he said mass one day he fell down and they thought he had a stroke. After that he wrote the prayer of St. Michael. What he heard while he was at the alter was a conversation between God and Satan where Satan asked for permission to try to destroy the Church. God gave him 100 years.
And you can see what has happened in the 1900s that Satan did his best. It seems the world has changed dramatically in a short time. John Paul II called for a new springtime in the Church and I believe it's coming.
Have you heard of the term Eucharistic Reign of Jesus? It has been foretold by some of the Saints. It is where a time will come when the Lord will be enthroned on every alter in the world. The Holy Father had prayed for there to be Perpetual Adoration in every church and I thought that was so unrealistic. But after that prayer experience in the cloister I knew it was going to happen. A day is coming when our Lord Jesus will be in enthroned on every alter in the world, and there won't have to be a sign up for just one or two people to be there. The people will come.
The first assignment the Lord gave children of Mary was to pray that everyone will love and adore the Eucharist. I made some prayer cards, I have them for you to take and I humbly beg you to ask for the grace and pray that everyone will adore Him.
The next thing was a CD. The lord prompted me to make a CD with the Rosary on it. The Lord sent a Carmelite sister there and she taught me to chant the rosary in Latin. I felt this prompting from the Lord to put on it some meditations from the monastery because that whole year I reflected on that prayer experience I had and I had so much to share with the world. Within a couple of weeks we had a CD!
And now the latest thing is, and I'm really excited about this. A few weeks ago, I went to see my aunt who was dying. When I got there I asked if she had received communion and I was going to give her communion. Her daughter gave me some Lourdes water. I blessed her with it. We said the Divine Mercy Chaplet. Then she had communion. That was in early July, she is still alive. The doctor had said she doesn't know how she's still living.
A few weeks later we were going to go on a pilgrimage. I was thinking of going to Carey. And two people separately from each other on the same day, said "Isn't there a shrine to Our Lady of Lourdes outside of Cleveland?" So I knew the Lord wanted us to go there. We went to a shrine to Our Lady of Lourdes and I was asked by the lord to pray. It came to mind to ask Our lady to intercede like she did at Cana. He wanted for me to ask our Lady to ask our Eucharistic Lord, now, to manifest his divinity in the Eucharist by healing people. Isn't that exciting? Wouldn't that be wonderful? Nothing draws people like healing. It doesn't matter, I mean the greatest healing is the spiritual, yes, and the greatest thing is that we can adore our Lord in the Eucharist but that just doesn't seem to get the people to come. And when He walked the face of the earth He used miracles to draw the people.
So, now we ask our Eucharistic Lord to heal each person who comes to our chapel. It has bourne great fruit. People seem to be given grace.
That's what's so exiting about walking with the Lord. You surrender your whole life to our Lord. Life is like a big puzzle and the center-piece is God. And if you try to put anything else there, it's never going to fit. But when you put God in the center all the other pieces fall into place. And He blesses you with much peace.
I encourage you, if there is anything that you need to do to get closer to God, do it.
We had a retreat for couples two weeks ago. I was telling them what the mass is. It's like going into a time machine and being present at the crucifixion, only this time we can offer our lives with Jesus' suffering on the cross to our Heavenly Father through the power of the Holy Spirit. But to do it, we have to be in the state of Grace so we must go to confession and tell every mortal sin and not deliberately withhold any sins.
One of them there didn't know that so he went to confession and he went back to his childhood. Another man hadn't been to confession in years. We were only going to have adoration for 1 hour but we had it for 2 hours because everyone was going to confession. The first man said he had a great confession and in adoration he saw himself as a baby being baptized and as a little boy receiving Holy Communion for the first time. That's what God does when He brings that grace back.
Where ever you are with the Lord, just ask for the grace to pray more, pray to the Holy Spirit to make you that fire. We can't do it ourselves. Only God can do that with His own love. We ask the Holy Spirit to fill us with all the gifts that we need because he has brought you here, to the Church, to where you are in the Faith, because He wants to use you to bring His kingdom to earth. You're special, He loves you so much and he wants to use you because there is so much suffering in the world there is so much loneliness.
Sin brings misery, and we're living in a society that is dead in sin. Fr. Corapi says many people are obsessed by Satan, not possessed so they don't act right, but obsessed. The more they sin, the more they give Satan control. That's how I was, Satan had control. Many people are in that state, but you can help change that. First, through your prayer, go to our Lord. And ask him, "What do you want me to do Lord?" And he will guide you.
That is what I encourage you to do. Know that God is calling each of you. Young people are powerful. When I was growing up it was the opposite. But now we have a culture of youth that we almost idolize. You have the power to change things. If you grow in holiness like He wants you to, then you an start a fire and it will spread and I believe you will live to see the day that our lord is enthroned and worshipped by people and there will be true peace on earth. It won't be our wars, our social justice marches anything else won't bring Peace. It's when we humbly adore God with us under the appearance of bread; grace will flood the earth and peace will come. And He wants to use each one of you to help your brothers and sisters, first of all, by praying for each and every person on earth. Not just your friends and family but everyone. And to love them, no matter what they have done to you, forgive. If anyone has hurt you, forgive. Everything will be healed if you forgive and pray for them.
Ask for that grace to be a forgiving person and to love every person on earth no matter how evil their actions may be. Pray for God to take them out of the grasp of Satan and fill them with the Holy Spirit so God work with you to bring light to the world. That will be my prayer for each one of you.
God bless you.