April 27, 2004 Same-Sex Attraction and Catholic Faith: Living a Life of Happiness and Holiness

by Fr. Kevin C. Louis, STL
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I'm a priest of the Diocese of Lacrosse, Wisconsin, I was ordained in 1989 and served for 6 years and then was asked to come to the Josephinum here. On the weekends I go out to Granville and help out the Monsignor there. Right now I help out the college age fellas there.

What I'm going to be talking about tonight is something that hit me square in the face after being ordained. I didn't really know a whole lot about the different elements of that but several young people who were struggling in that area were sent my way and I had to take a crash course on getting a framework on how to understand and how to be helpful to these people who wanted to live fully their Catholic Faith but having struggles with that.

Then coming to the seminary, Msgr. olmstead asked me to present on this and my own Bishop asked me to do even more work and research so I could publish articles that pulled together different elements in one convenient source. It's been 15 years now from the perspective of a pastor. I'm not expert in psychology or anything like that, I'm here as a Shepard of souls and a priest with working with people and same sex attractions.

And so that's my background, my perspective on this. What I'll try to do is simply integrate a number of different things into one presentation. Basic psychology things and the Church's moral teaching and some practical pastoral type of advice.


Just to make sure we're on the same page, there is a couple of things that bother Jeffrey Keith who is a Franciscan Priest and clinical psychologist, I'm just going to give you a framework to understand this. I'm not going into details on defending the Church's position on this, but give you a practical framework to help you to be a true support to someone.

One of the basic things is the basic factors of human sexuality. Physical sexuality so the first aspect of that is the Genetic aspect of that. There is an X and Y chromosome that which makes up a male or female. Besides that genetic, there is also the anatomical sexual aspect of physical sexuality that begins in the 7th week of life in the womb. The third part of physical sexuality is sexual differentiation in the brain. This occurs in the second trimester of fetal life. This neural hormonal programming of brain cell clusters later influences behaviors.

Besides those physical aspects of sexuality, we also have the mental sexuality here two we have three elements. Core gender identity that is one's basic conviction of being male or female. That usually occurs in the second year of life. The infant goes through a psychological birth, being an individual distinct from the mother. "I am male" or "I am female".
Another second aspect is gender role identity. Keith describes that as behaviors and attitudes culturally associated with masculinity and femininity. You translate that as you psychologically say "I am male and I can live may maleness this way." The third aspect of mental sexuality is the psychosexual orientation. That is the preferential erotic attraction to the opposite sex, or the same sex, or somewhere in the continuum in-between.

Another distinction that you have to keep in mind is the difference between homosexual acts and then the homosexual condition or "same-sex attraction disorder" that some psycologists are using now. There is a distinction between the actions and the condition. Homosexual acts include acts performed between persons of the same sex; genital acts.

What would cause someone to engage in genital activity with the same sex? There is a number of different reasons. First is may arise from the person having the homosexual condition; they have this disorder. Also a person who's orientation is basically heterosexual, can engage in homosexual acts. This is called situational homosexuality or variational. What does that mean? It could be, first of all, experimentation/curiousity. It could also be situational. The person cannot engage with someone with the opposite sex like someone in prison. Also, simply put, it could be a way of making money. People with drug additions, for instance, sell themselves.

The most growing area, I know a lot of students that are now in college, etc and they talk about the gross sexuality that happens nowadays in college. There is no sexual morality, just do whatever you want. There's no limits.


What the moral evaluation of all this? There is no ambiguity in the parental teaching of the Church. In 1975, the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith reminded us that sexual relations between persons of the same sex are necessarily and objectively against the moral order. The Sacred Scriptures condemn them, they are intrinsically disordered and may never be approved whatsoever.

In 1986 the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith also noted:

It is only in the marital relationship that the use of the sexual faculty can be morally good. A person engaging in homosexual behaviour therefore acts immorally.

To chose someone of the same sex for one's sexual activity is to annul the rich symbolism and meaning, not to mention the goals, of the Creator's sexual design. Homosexual activity is not a complementary union, able to transmit life; and so it thwarts the call to a life of that form of self-giving which the Gospel says is the essence of Christian living..... As in every moral disorder, homosexual activity prevents one's own fulfillment and happiness by acting contrary to the creative wisdom of God. The Church, in rejecting erroneous opinions regarding homosexuality, does not limit but rather defends personal freedom and dignity realistically and authentically understood.

It interesting to note that the new Catechism of the Catholic Church, homosexual activity is treated in the context of the complementarity of the sexes with the virtue of chastity and marital love. It's only in that context that a Catholic recognizes the full meaning of the sexual act.

Homosexuality refers to relations between men or between women who experience an exclusive or predominant sexual attraction toward persons of the same sex. It has taken a great variety of forms through the centuries and in different cultures. Its psychological genesis remains largely unexplained. Basing itself on Sacred Scripture, which presents homosexual acts as acts of grave depravity, tradition has always declared that "homosexual acts are intrinsically disordered." They are contrary to the natural law. They close the sexual act to the gift of life. They do not proceed from a genuine affective and sexual complementarity. Under no circumstances can they be approved.

Now with regard to subjective evaluation, that is this person standing in front of me is engaging in this activity, what is their culpability? To evaluate that the you use the same criteria with any human actions. In 1730-1802 in the Catechism outlines that.

What about now the slightly different approach now; the homosexual condition? The same sex attraction disorder that a number of psycologists are using. The popular media have embraced the estimate of 10% of the population having the homosexual condition, the scientific more reliable estimate is 2.5 to 4% of males and 1.5 to 3% of the female population.

How do you define this condition? The definition is the predominate physical attraction towards members of one's own sex that persists into adulthood. It's not just a transitory thing that can happen, but it is something that can persist into adulthood and it's predominent. Another psycologist describes it as "same sex ambivalence" a defensive detachment with an urge for renewed attachment. We'll talk just a little bit about that to understand that a bit.

A clinical psycologist, Maria Valdez tries to define it as, someone with an incomplete or arrested psycosexual development that manifests itself by the need for that person to stay at the homosexual development rather than complete the psycosexual cycle and become heterosexually oriented. Psycosexual development is meant to include attitudes and ways of perceiving and relating to others, in other words, a kind of mindset that is more than sexual.


One of the things we always have to keep in mind is, as complex beings, persons who struggle with same sex attractions, from my experience, what I see echoed in other priests or psycologists, it's such a varied phenomenon. One person is not the same as another one, and it's varied how incredibly deep the wound can be.

There is a young man who I worked with at the Cathedral in La Crosse. He had been in the whole wild gay scene and he just knew that was going nowhere and it was a death sentense. As it turned out, the wound he had inside of him, by simply speaking with me and using a prayer and talking about his past, over a period of six months, that's all that man needed to come to a healing inside of him. I'm not trained or anything, I just had God's grace. This was just a basic knowledge of things that could be helpful and that's all he needed. This stuff didn't trouble him anymore as it had in the past.

However, I had worked with another person for 3 years and he also worked with a psychologist and a spiritual director besides me and he wanted to be chaste, he wanted a peace in his life. He was acting out sexually with other men. He did so well for about a year and a half, but eventually it all came to a head that simply working with me and the others wasn't enough. I hooked him up with a outfit that is called the National Association for the Research and Therapy of Homosexuality (NARTH). They have a lot of success with working with people who want to move out of the homosexual condition. After a number of years of hard work, he's achieved the healing that he couldn't accomplish with us. He needed a lot more than we could offer. In fact, later in May he is being married in New Jersey. He's incredibly at peace and a fine fellow. So, when we talk about someone who has this problem, this s a complex reality.


There is a lot of foolishness that is out there that the media picks up on. Whether it's the Church's evaluation of the acts or psychological research. There a lot of silliness. They report some studies as if they are accepted everywhere. For instance, homosexual orientation is determined by biology, they are not even accurately reporting the conclusions because much of the research doesn't say it's the case. The research will suggest that with the right conditions it can predispose a person to homosexuality, but it's no way of pre-determining.

There are interesting thesis' about what is at the root of same-sex attraction disorder. We won't be going through all these theories, however, one of the ones I found helpful and it's a common theme that runs through most of them, that the explanation psychologically about why a person forms a compulsive attraction to someone of the same sex. Essentially what has been helpful to me, especially with regard to male homosexuality, it seems that at some point in the core gender identity of their development, something didn't click. Everyone of us needs to identify and embrace who we are and identify with our sex, and that's why Maria Valdez's theory is that at some point the person at a tender age never was able to connect with members of his or her same sex. The genuine human need was never met.

This acting out sexually is not about the sex, it's the physical acting out to reconnect with members of your own sex. To say, "I am male" I can do this male thing, for example. Because there was not this identification, traditionally something that happens with a Father present, it doesn't have to be a Father though, just another man. (Continuing on male sexuality.) It could be a brother or uncle or another male that becomes a role model who he attaches to and affirms who he is as a man. So the physical aspect that manifests itself later in life is an attempt to identify with who you are and with being a part of whatever sex you are and then it ends up being as a trying to reconnect, they also withdraw, because that wound is there, they feel they cannot live up to this so they withdraw.

You an take that or leave it but that seems to be a common element for people who have this condition.

Psychologists up to 1973 considered it a wound, but after that because of politics they dropped homosexuality being classified as a personality disorder.


What does the Church then say? What's the moral evaluation of the sexual condition, not the acts themselves.

The Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith in 1986 said: "In the discussion which followed the publication of the Declaration, however, an overly benign interpretation was given to the homosexual condition itself, some going so far as to call it neutral, or even good. Although the particular inclination of the homosexual person is not a sin, it is a more or less strong tendency ordered toward an intrinsic moral evil; and thus the inclination itself must be seen as an objective disorder." In the eyes of the Church the condition is an objective disorder. Well, now what does that mean? Are people with same-sex attractions essentially evil?

No, Father Harvey, has spent a great part of his priesthood working with same-sex attractions, he says on this point that objective disorder has nothing to do with moral worth or the free will of a person. It is the tendancy to homosexual desires and acts since such desires and acts are objectively immoral, is what is the objective disorder. The tendancy to these acts is not sin in itself, but disordered because if expressed it's a sin. Again, the tendancies towards these acts is not sin itelf.

Objectively that's the evaluation. What about subjectively? What the person's responsibility? The CDF reminds us:

Here, the Church's wise moral tradition is necessary since it warns against generalizations in judging individual cases. In fact, circumstances may exist, or may have existed in the past, which would reduce or remove the culpability of the individual in a given instance; or other circumstances may increase it. What is at all costs to be avoided is the unfounded and demeaning assumption that the sexual behaviour of homosexual persons is always and totally compulsive and therefore inculpable. What is essential is that the fundamental liberty which characterizes the human person and gives him his dignity be recognized as belonging to the homosexual person as well.

There are two extremes to be avoided in evaluating the personal responsibility. Not every person with the homosexual condition suffers from the compulsiveness.


Couple of more things, once a person realizes that he suffers from this same-sex attraction and the physical expression is sinful, now what's the person to do? How are we to help someone who is struggling like this. Fr. Harvey say the personal responsibility for the person with tendencies, means that, even those who have acted in the past, they have the responsibility to use means to recover their morality in the present and the future. Once you come to this understanding, you need to take steps to recover your freedom here and now, in the present. Does that mean that this responsibility to recover your freedom is to move out of this condition? A lot of psychologists and the media say that's not possible. Some say that's sick to even suggest this or have someone work with a person. That's why NARTH is showing an increasing body of evidence that it's possible to move out of homosexuality even thought the media doesn't like the report that.

Does the person have to go through that process? Like this person who took years and years to do it, it can take lots of money. Are you obliged to take this on? Father Harvey says no, it can be incredibly desirable but there is no guarantee that this approach is going to bring healing. But what he says that besides the psychological healing, he also talks of a spiritual healing, someone who doesn't necessary go through the psychological work but fundamentally they experience a spiritual healing and become interiorly chaste. Despite some temptations.

Father Harvey founded a group in 1980 of men and women who wanted to live their faith fully. They called the group, "Courage" and in order to be of support to one another, that's what this group is. There is a chapter even here in Columbus and all over the world. This is a way someone can get through it without having to go through reparative therapy.

If they cannot come out of the condition, they must practice chastity. There are really five steps, and this is where a friend can help.

1. Renunciation, a person must practice abstinance and avoid the near occasion of sin. A person who lives with this condition, they live in the occasion of sin in a special sense. They must get rid of materials, stay away from bars, break away from friends.


2. Consecrated celibacy, that is sexual absintance becomes a form of love. Done through a love of Jesus. This becomes consecrated celibacy.


3. They must then develope chaste friendships. So in this a person needs support from others and in prayer. This is where groups come in like Courage and where we can come in. We can also come in here and be a suport to someone. There is a need that we all have to be in touch with members of our own sex, not in an improper way. So it is so important to have healthy good chaste friendships with people of the same sex. So any shunning is what this person doesn't need.


4. Next, they need a spiritual strategy for contending with the bouts of loneliness, restlessness or discouragement. This is also where we can come in. or going in front of the Blessed Sacrament.


5. Lastly, be rooted in reality. That you have to be aware of dangerous changes in mood that have triggered bouts of acting out. Take a step into the real world so stepping out in charity can be good.

The bottom line it seems to me is that, and it make me very sad, is that there is so much out there that is very unhelpful. People who are struggling with same-sex attractions really need to know the Truth. They need to know what the Church really teaches and what the good psychologists are saying and what successes they have had. That where we can come in by being beacons of the Truth. To be a truly good resource for them.

There are even programs now in school that promote those people to stay in their orientation even if it may be just a phase that they need to move through. These people are doing a great deal of harm.

With that I'll stop yakking and if anyone has any questions...

I have to say that the people I have worked with over the years, I have count as some of the greatest blessings os a priest to see them go through incredible struggles and survive.


Question: If they're going to go through a group like courage, wouldn't that be the same as a consecrated virgin or a person who chose a vocation to be a single person. Is it that much worse for someone with homosexual tendancies to remain chaste than for a heterosexual person who has chosen a chaste life?

There is a difference, it seems to me, the difference it seems to me is that because of the nature of the drive, that becomes almost a compulsive drive, that seems to be an engine mechanism, almost like a freight train moving with incredible strength. In a tendency towards an action, that if done, is sinful, therein there are several of the differences, I think it is more difficult. In one sense where someone has a wound that that is so deep that there are so many other factors that keep driving that. It takes up a lot of energy to keep moving forward to keep on the path of sexual sobriety. In a way that it doesn't seem to be with someone who has a balanced heterosexual affections.

Question: Just speaking to that, I wanted to ask you your thoughts on would it may be that it's possible that someone who has sexual compulsiveness, perhaps they could also struggle the same way?

We go back to the point made earlier. It a complex phenomenon. Someone with a homosexual tendency may have balance in their life and someone who is heterosexual may not. So it's really individual. We have to keep in mind that these phenomenon are not in a cookie cutter reality but within it is a differentiation.

Great things are possible with god's grace.

Question: How important do you think it is for a parent to cultivate masculine interests in boys and vice versa for girls to prevent this.

That is a very good point, and actually there is a great book by Joseph Nicolosi who is the founder of "NARTH" the title of the book that was just published not to loon ago, a Parent's Guide to Preventing Homosexuality. By him and his wife. He and his wife give all kinds of very sound simple advice for parents to help kids along in their development. That kind of identification with their own sex can happen. You as parents have this responsibility for your children to embrace their life in God but also for their psychological well being.

Of course this has not received very good reviews by the "establishment" (which makes it worth reading) it's a tribute to his credibility IMHO.

Question: I have talked to a few people who explore homosexuality and one thing I have heard repeatedly is that it's unfair that these people should have to live a chaste life. Then I always get stuck, what would you say to that?

It depends on the person's world view, if they are not a Christian or Catholic, well, then I am not sure how you approach it. If they are a Catholic/Christian, the way you can approach it in that world view is that the design of the creator is that sexual activity is not an ultimate good. We do not necessarily for the completion of our being for our wholeness we do not need to engage in sexual activity. It isn't an ultimate good, we don't necessarily have to do it for our physical or emotional well being. The bottom line is for the Catholic Faith, the reflection of the Trinity, the Father giving completely all that He is to the Son and the Father and Son, the love between them is the Holy Spirit. And so that generosity of self is reflected in Jesus on the cross that is living love, giving that gift of self to another and that person receiving that gift. Not the sexual part but the fundamental reality. The necessity for us as human beings to be complete as human beings is that self-giving in love. That is that gift of love. The gift of self to the Church or to marriage or an Apostolate.

If a person doesn't have that kind of a world view and if sex is the be all end all of everything, well, you might as well sit down and have a beer and just talk, cuz you're not going to get anywhere except by your witness.

Question: I was wondering where we could get resources on the subject matter, psychologists that are going against the grain.

What I can do is, this is not intended for this audience because it's for priestly formation, however, this paper I have here, has a number of resources and the best places to start for recourses are the two websites. The Courage website and then also the NARTH site. These are dedicated professionals and they are fighting incredible battles.

I mentioned in 1973 they dropped homosexual defined as a disorder, one of the men who was instrumental in getting that done, now he has acknowledged that what these other psychologists are doing is legitimate and it works. So this is a convert to this line of thinking.

Question: Can you look over at the books for sale, can you tell us if they are any good?

If you get this one by Fr. Harvey, the Truth about homosexuality, this is probably the nicest compendium of this stuff. If you read this, you will recognize that I was lifting a lot from this book.

Father John Hardon's Catechism, this is a nice question/answer format, this is a good place to start. And then Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith on the two documents they put out, there are a number of quotes in my talk from this document. On the NARTH website we'll see a lot of resources. This came out by father ÍHarvey, Same-Sex attraction: a Parent's Guide. And then another very good compilation of articles on their website as well.

Question: Would you have any comment on homosexuality and the priesthood. And those who have the homosexual condition, would that carry over into the priesthood? Would you see that as something they should not consider because of that considering the scandals?

As a matter of fact, that's something that the powers that be have not been honest about. That is that so much of the scandal that has broken is pretty much homosexuality, very little of it is actually pedophilia. The vast majority of the stuff was homosexual behavior. Someone with same-sex attractions has that wound that is deep. The first thing you need to tell the guys is put it right on the line. This is what the Church teaches, this is what we believe, and the activity is unacceptable. The wound can be at different levels and some can work through it, and some we have to ask to leave because the wound is way too deep; they cannot get past it in order to do all those things that they would have to deal with as a priest. That's why if we come to see this wound is too deep, we will ask him to leave.

And this is the approach of the archbishop of St. Louis. Some bishops say plain and simple, if the man has an orientation, he cannot be ordained, the archbishop of St. Louis recognizes that's a complex phenomenon. His good for the good of the church.

Question: When you refer to healing, do you refer to someone's orientation changing back to the opposite sex.

It can be, for some men, they complete that cycle of identifying themselves with members of the same sex and opposite sex and they do orient differently. For others it's diminished enough that it's not an issue, he's in peaceful acceptance of his sexuality. He may have temptation but it's not overwhelming.