March 25, 2003 Soul-to-Soul: Developing our Relationships with Others

by Brother Randy Kin
Introduction/Background

Brother Randy Kin lived in Kerry, Ohio and went to school in Upper Sandusky, he began working in a meat packing plant after high school. The union people came along and said "we have this great deal, if you go on strike you'll get more money" so they did it. Went on strike for 6 months and @ 50/week they sat around. The strike went on and eventually the guy that owned the plant said "no union", and he closed the plant. That was the end of the big money.

Brother Randy then went to work for his uncle. He began to get to know some of the Franciscans from Kerry, Ohio. He was looking for something else and began to pray about this and eventually in 1978 he decided to join the Franciscans. He proceeded to St. Louis and went to the university there and then went to become a teacher in elementary education and special education. He taught for ten years and then went to a parish and got his masters. While working in Aims, Iowa for four years he wanted to move back to the Midwest.

That's when they offered him a position as a vocation director in Louisville, Kentucky. At that time he started working with the youth. He's had a lot of experience working with young adults in his province because they have four retreat centers around the country. He coordinates the retreats for the YAGs in those areas.

Brother Randy follows the rule of St. Francis, there are three orders, Conventual, Capisions, and the OFM's (Order of Friars Minor). He is from the Conventual order and took solemn vows in 1984 as a brother.

There are both brothers and priests in the community. The brothers make money at whatever they can make money at.

Brother Randy talking: Soul to soul, developing our relationships with others.

In light of everything we can see on TV, our relationships change overtime. We change our ideas of how they are with one another and with God.

I just happened to be in the checkout line and I see the relationship with Tristan and Ryan (the Bachelorette) and they're getting together "against all odds". Then I saw Joe Millionaire pretending that he has money and doesn't really have any. These whole relationships are happening on reality TV shows... I began thinking of reality shows, you've got Survivor, Fear Factor, The Mole, Celebrity Mole, the other ones like American Idol, and the final one that I was amazed at was I'm a celebrity get me out of here.

I thought, okay, this is all supposed to be unscripted, although I have my doubts. You'd think if the cameras are there you would do all those things or do things knowing you're on TV. Of course, as I was thinking, I like everyone else they say I never watch them, but of course their ratings are way up so someone is watching them! Of course nobody here is watching them.

The reality of these TV shows is not really reality in terms of what our life is like and our relationships are like. Our life and the love that we have come from our background and the things we experience. It depends on where you were born, where you grew up, whether you had a one or two parent family or you live in the city or country, mass on Sunday, etc.

When I was a kid our parents made us go to Mass and we didn't know why but we just went and sat quiet and listened. When I was in 8th grade in religion class we were acting up and so they move us into the church thinking we wouldn't act up in the church. That didn't work and the pastor threw his bible at a kid during a class, he said we were all a bunch of deviants. "What's a deviant?", we asked. "Go home and ask your parents". That was my experience with religious education class.

The point is we're all coming from a different place, and our experiences are all different. One thing we have in common as Catholics/christians, in spite of our differences, we're created in the image and likeness of God. We believe in our Catholic social teachings.

The person is central in the clearest reflection of God's image. Each one of us is the reflection of God's image. Race, gender, age, and economic status doesn't matter. The test of every institution or policy is it either enhances or threatens human life and dignity. We believe people are more important than things. And so flowing from this God given dignity each person has basic rights and responsibilities.

People have fundamental rights: food, clothing, housing, health care, education, social services, and employment. Equally we have responsibilities to one anther, to our family, society and to work for the common good. We are not only sacred as stated in the scriptures but we're a social people. We've been called by Jesus to live in families. We need to support the family at all levels where we act and learn our values.

The interesting question is what are my values?

Have I taken time to write down my values? After 9/11 we were coming up with our topics on retreats and I thought of doing a topic on things that really matter, which came out of the interviews I did after 9/11. People were saying that they wished they had more time with their family, or friends, more time in relationships, praying, etc. People were crying out for a need in the minds of losing ones they loved.

The retreat was successful.

As I mentioned before, I travel a lot, I can either listen to AM radio or I can listen to music stations, a lot of times I choose to lisen to tapes or CD's about ... Whatever, things that interest me. The other day I picked up "The Power of Living Your Values and What Matters Most".

In this tape the author came up with the "why drill". As kids we kept asking our parents 'why why' and so the speaker on the tape said as adults we should do the "why drill" and apply it to our values.

He went on to say, 'You may ask yourself, why is this or that so valuable to me. Have I taken on someone else's value, why do I spend time with a person or with a thing. Why do I feel strongly about this? Why do I spend money on this or that thing. Why am I pouring energy and time on a project or relationship.' So what he wants you to do is take time to think about the 'why' questions in the "why drill". The key to this is the know your values right now so you don't follow someone else's values or the reality crowd.

I have an I-beam is 120 feet long and 6 inches wide, like one used in a steel mill. I put it in your front yard. We stand on either end. I tell you to "I'll give you a 1,000 bucks to walk across the I-beam in two minutes." You think about it, "this is an easy 1,000 bucks. I can do this." So, you walk across and I give you 1,000 bucks.

Okay, now I'm going to change it a little by taking the I-beam downtown to the top of a 50-story building. I put it between two buildings spanning the road. It starts to rain the wind is blowing.

Now, I'll give you 1,000 bucks if you walk across it in 2 minutes. So you think for a minute, 1,000 bucks, nothing below except for the street. "I don't think I can do this. No, not for a 1,000 bucks." So I up the ante, 50,000 dollars. "Okay, 50,000 is a lot, can I do this. I don't know..." I keep raising it up, 100,000, the wind is still blowing, So, the last time I up it to 1 million which is not that much nowadays but it's more than you have so you'd have to think about it for a few minutes.

Is your life worth 1,000,000? Based on that, no, probably not. On fear factor you'd be hooked up to a cable, and then you'd do it.

Anyway.. So the last thing I do is I decide to up the ante one more time, what I do is I put either a family member or a two year old child on the other side of the beam. They're so excited about seeing you and they start coming across because they don't have the same fear. More than likely you're going to find any way you can to get to the other side so you can grab the child from falling. So, even though you know your life is important, you're willing to risk that for another life.

Even though the same setup was there, as with the 1 million. The point is, there are some values we already have in place, namely the sanctity of life. Going across the beam wasn't important enough when it was just money but when it meant saving someone it was.

The I-beam story helps us see the sanctity of human life. What I'm suggesting is that while we look at our values, we ask ourselves, what would i cross the I-beam for? In light of all the other questions before, we see what really matters to us in our life.

You can ask yourself the question, "what does this have to do with our relationship with God and others." In terms of this, we need to take time to pray, read scriptures, participate in the sacraments, RCIA, day-care provider, sponsors for confirmation/RCIA. Whatever it might be, just be involved so you participate in the community. For the common good for our community.

As followers of Jesus our values should reflect the Gospel Life, what God has given us as guidelines in order to be fulfilled in life. The Old Testament has in proverbs "where there was no vision, the people perished" (Prov 29:18) We each have to get right in our relationship with God and others. This takes time and hours of prayer and reflection.

Part of our responsibility goes on to take care of the poor and vulnerable. "Those who have been given much, much will be expected" says scripture.

In Dayton, Ohio at a retreat, these young people were talking. Bush had come out with a policy to give money to the AIDS epidemic. The people said, "Why do we have to be the people that help everyone else?" And they could not figure it out or fathom why we'd want to do that. Being the quiet shy person I am I said, "Why not? We have everything, we should give what we have to others who don't have as much as we do."

When I was thinking about this quote from scriptures, I think that's what the Lord is asking us, a lot has been given to us as a country and society and a lot will be asked of us. John Paul II came out with statement that "We are our brother's and sister's keepers" he went on to say we're all part of the mystical Body of Christ. This is what, as Catholics and Christians, we need to do; reach out to the poor and vulnerable.

As Catholics and Christians, we're called to forgive those who trespass against us. Now, more than ever, after this war is over, there will have to be a lot of forgiveness in one way or another. Gospel clearly states we must forgive 70 x 7 times.

Life should have a divine importance. I was thinking, "Wow, every morning when we get up we should say to ourselves what needs to be done and how am I going to do it?" This is a gift from God as people in the image and likeness of God and we pass that on to generation after generation. Gandi said a person cannot do right in one department of life while attempting to do wrong in another. Life is a indivisible whole.

St. Francis said, "I have done what I have to do, now it is time for you to do what you have to do." I guess part of what I believe is even though that was over 800 years ago for us it still applies today. Jesus says in Mark's Gospel, "the many who are last shall be first." It's not easy or popular to be the last in any culture especially in our American culture.

For a second, think of some questions, "How do I participate in the broader community. How is my relationship with God right now, with others? Have I continued to re-evaluate my value systems?" I have heard several times and I believe this that the Gospel can be summed up in four words, Love God, Love others. All of that can be brought down to those four words. We're called to do that.

Regarding James 4:17, Values are not objective things. There is a certain objectivity to everything. There is a basic shape of the way the world works. Now perhaps if we talk about social justice, there hasn't been a lot of connection with sin and individual participation in it.

I came across the idea of "what about sin" there is the sin of omission, not do anything about a sin which we know is go on. We have a responsibility to do something bout a situation we know that exists. That could be an idea of the people in Africa or the poor. It can then intertwine with Catholic social teaching.

As individuals, we need to evaluate that in our life. That sin can be just as bad as a sin of commission.

Fr. Hayes: The duty of justice has the reach for things we can actually do something about. For instance, a street person, I can give them money to get rid of them, and it does no good. I could buy him food and that could be good, but then you can go further to be the man's servant for that moment, that is the ultimate good.